Ooo-Lala Evil John!

EVIL JOHN SEZ:

did you know that regular JOHN has no butt?

or at least that’s what his wife says… and believe me, i’m not gay or hot for my twin, but i have to admit she’s right.

why do i know this? i unfortunately know this because i was doing twin surveillance, which is how EVIL twins get all this juicy information, while regular JOHN and his saint of a wife were jeans shopping.

oh, god, don’t get me started on what a water torture that was. “are these too baggy?” “are these too casual for work?” “are these too long?” “can you hem boot cut?”

how about, “do these jeans make me look like a whiny, pudgy, short guy with no fashion sense?”

luckily EVIL JOHN got the brains, the looks and the hot butt. (i hope "hot butt" gets me as many google hits as “paris hilton video” did last week.)

EVIL JOHN OUT!

and a Happy New Year, to you... in Jail!

EVIL JOHN SEZ:

did you know that regular JOHN can’t say no?

don’t believe me? ask him about all the free time he wasted helping some strangers make a movie. i say strangers because he didn’t know them and they were strange. did he want to help them? not really. did he get paid? not at all.

read the next lines aloud in your whiniest voice: ‘oh, i’m regular JOHN, i’m a nice guy and i told them i would help them out before i knew that i would be doing all the work and giving up so much of my time.’

say no! be evil, or shut the hell up!

couple this character flaw with the fact that he never finishes anything and you’ve got a real winner on your hands. 2006 at EVIL JOHN SEZ was supposed to start with a great video directed by yours truly.

do you see any video?

so you’re an EVIL twin. your regular half makes crappy corporate videos for a living. you’re obviously gonna con him into making your video for you. especially since he’s physically incapable of not doing what he is asked, even when it will undoubtedly lead to his eventual demise.

we started shooting and most of it is done, but try to get this guy to commit to showing his butt crack or to dress up like paris hilton and he gets all wishy-washy and busy.

busy with what? figuring out where scalp hair ends and back hair begins?

EVIL JOHN OUT!

EVIL P.S. in 2006, look out wednesdays for weekly updates… tuesday night if you’re lucky and don’t have a life.