What!?!

EVIL JOHN SEZ:

did you know that JOHN never listens? what is his friggin’ problem? have you ever ridden in a car with this guy? He’s always, ‘hey, did you say left or right?’ or at home, ‘what did you say we were having for dinner?’ or ‘did i already ask you that?’ or ‘EVIL JOHN, what did you say your website was going to be about?’

and don’t get me started on the wax in his ears, after every shower he cleans enough wax out of his ears to get a goth chick all hot and bothered. it’s gross and it turns my EVIL stomach. have you ever been around him when his ears get all clogged with that shit? it’s unbearable trying to talk to that freak, he’s all ‘what? what?’ and then he’s all polite, like ‘sorry, i’m having trouble hearing you, can you say that again?’ NO damn it. clean your ears out like the rest of us or go to the doctor and get that shit fixed. you’re like a yankee candle factory that only has one scent and it’s ‘gross-ass sick ear butter.’

EVIL JOHN OUT!

Grow Some!

EVIL JOHN SEZ:

did you know that the first album JOHN ever bought was thriller by that pervert michael jackson? and the first cassette tape he ever bought was culture club. do i even have to say anything more? come on! is there any wonder why he turned out the way he did? and have you ever listened to his ipod? it’s got tons of hair band shit. when the children cry? nelson? bon jovi?

are you a chick in an acid washed jean jacket?

jesus!

EVIL JOHN OUT!

Mess!

EVIL JOHN SEZ:

did you know that JOHN is a real friggin’ slob? the guy’s barely housebroken. he always leaves dishes in the sink for days… sure, he says he’s letting them soak, but for god’s sake, they’re non stick pans. you have a dishwasher, asshole. do you know what you’re doing to your poor wife? not only does she has to clean up after your ass, but have you ever made the bed? have you ever turned off a light? and damn it, cook a meal for once!

EVIL JOHN OUT

p.s. JEN, if you’re tired of his bullshit and want to come over to the dark side, call me. unfortunately i don’t have a phone or anything, just call JOHN with a fake voice and ask for me. xoxo

EVIL JOHN 1, JOHN 0

EVIL JOHN SEZ:

can you believe the cheesy ass blog template that JOHN set up for me? with dots and shit? JOHN knows i can’t do anything with a computer so he set up this site for me, probably so i’d go easy on him, but then he blew it and made the gayest looking site possible. no offense to gay people, just to JOHN.

well he’s going to rue the day he fucked me like that! for example:

EVIL JOHN SEZ: did you know that JOHN watches ‘what not to wear’ between innings of red sox games? even when his wife isn’t around? and sometimes he gets so wrapped up in learning about slimming skirt styles and using eye shodow in your crease that he forgets to turn back to the game?

fairy.

EVIL JOHN OUT!