EVIL JOHN SEZ:
did you know that regular JOHN is allergic to fruit? he's not allergic to fruits... this ain't a gay thing, although I have my suspicions, questions & concerns. this is about the fact that if regular JOHN eats a fresh fruit or vegetable, his mouth gets all scratchy and sometimes his throat closes up.
now i'm not laughing at people who have deadly allergic reactions. EVIL JOHN always washes his PB&J down with some calamine lotion before kissing his teenage girlfriend. but EJ has to put his foot down about rJ and his stupid (possibly fake) allergies.
okay, i know you're allergic to cats - but you own one.
you say you're allergic to wool - but you have several wool hats and socks.
you tell everyone who is unfortunate enough to sit next to you and your wedge salad that you're allergic to tomatoes - but you love them so much that eat them anyway.
now, that's just stupid.
the weird thing is that regular JOHN can eat the hell out of a strawberry covered cheesecake. heaven forbid you offer him some fruit salad. the kid acts like you're trying to off him.
believe me, fruitcake, if i was going to take you out i’d be much more devious and creative.
did you know that regular JOHN is also allergic to soy-milk? way more allergic than he is to fruit?
did you know that a soy-milk laced smoothie almost killed regular JOHN? luckily, they can’t dust soy for fingerprints.
EVIL JOHN OUT!
1 comment:
Did you know that regular john is a pansy? Thats right, I heard him lsitening to Faith Hill the other day surrounded by candles and, you guesed it, STRAWBERRIES! For whatever reason he was lubing himself up with calamine lotion, but not in the "I have an itch" type of way. It was more like the "I just like rubbing calamine lotion all over me while listening to Faith Hill and eating STRAWBERRIES" type of way. I cried myself to sleep last night.....
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